How to Conduct a Reference Check for Your Nanny

Biggs Elite Grp.
3 days ago
8 min read

A careful reference check can tell you what no polished interview ever will. When you are inviting a caregiver into your home, your goal is not simply to verify dates on a resume. You want to understand judgment, consistency, warmth, discretion, communication style, and how a nanny performs when family life is moving quickly and something unexpected happens. The smartest families treat this stage with the same discipline a nanny placement agency would use, because a strong reference process protects your children, your household, and your peace of mind.

Why a Reference Check Matters So Much

It goes beyond confirming employment

Many parents make the mistake of treating references as a final box to check after they have already decided whom they want to hire. In reality, references are one of the most important parts of the decision. A former employer can help you understand whether a candidate was punctual, dependable, calm under pressure, and respectful of the home environment. Those qualities are difficult to assess fully in an interview, especially when the candidate is experienced and presents well.

Reference checks also help you verify the claims that matter most: the age groups a nanny has cared for, the scope of household responsibilities handled, the schedule maintained, and whether the role involved travel, overnight care, school pickups, meal preparation, or collaboration with work-from-home parents. These details allow you to compare the candidate's past work to the actual demands of your household.

It helps you assess fit, not just competence

A nanny can be excellent in one home and still be the wrong fit in another. Some caregivers thrive in highly structured households with clear routines and formal expectations. Others are stronger in warm, flexible homes where independence and initiative matter more. A good reference check helps you learn how the nanny adapts to family culture, responds to feedback, communicates boundaries, and handles changing needs. That kind of fit is often what separates a successful long-term hire from an early resignation.

Prepare Before You Make a Single Call

Review the candidate's file carefully

Before contacting any references, gather the candidate's resume, interview notes, certifications, and any written job descriptions from prior roles. Highlight points you want to confirm or clarify. If the nanny mentioned experience with infants, twins, food allergies, special routines, or family travel, those details should be part of your reference conversation. A reference check is much stronger when it is tailored to the actual candidate rather than based on a generic script.

Get the right permission and context

Always tell the candidate you will be contacting references, and ask whether there are any current employment sensitivities you should respect. Some candidates do not want a current employer contacted until they are further along in the process. That is reasonable. You should also ask for each reference's relationship to the nanny, the dates of employment, and the best time to reach them. The more context you have in advance, the more productive the conversation will be.

Know your nonnegotiables before you start

If punctuality is critical because of school drop-offs, ask about punctuality directly. If you travel often, ask about flexibility and passport readiness. If your household values privacy, ask how the nanny handled discretion and boundaries. Define your must-haves before you call, because references are most useful when you know what you are listening for. Otherwise, it is easy to be reassured by a generally positive tone and miss a serious mismatch.

What a Nanny Placement Agency Looks for in References

Prioritize direct supervisors and parent employers

The strongest references usually come from the people who supervised the nanny's work day to day. In most cases, that means parents. If the home had a household manager, estate manager, or personal assistant who oversaw scheduling and performance, that person can also be extremely valuable. Direct supervisors can speak to reliability, communication, and the full scope of responsibilities more clearly than friends or character references ever can.

Use supplementary references thoughtfully

There may be times when a candidate has excellent supplementary references from teachers, family office staff, newborn care specialists, or other caregivers who worked alongside them. These can add useful color, especially in complex households. But they should not replace direct employer references if direct employer references are available. A glowing peer reference is no substitute for hearing from the person who trusted the nanny with their children and household routine.

Be cautious with limited or overly curated references

If a nanny has many years of experience but offers only one reference, ask why. There may be a fair explanation, such as a family relocation, illness, divorce, or a confidential employment arrangement. Still, limited references deserve closer attention. The same is true when every reference appears heavily scripted or refuses to speak live. Written letters can be helpful, but a live conversation usually reveals far more nuance.

The Best Questions to Ask During a Nanny Reference Check

Start broad, then get specific

Begin with open-ended questions that allow the reference to describe the nanny in their own words. Broad questions tend to produce more candid information than highly leading ones. Once the reference begins speaking freely, move into specific areas that matter to your family. That sequence usually creates a more natural conversation and yields better detail.

Cover care, judgment, and household dynamics

A strong nanny reference check should explore not only what the nanny did, but how the nanny did it. Ask about routine management, safety, emotional intelligence, responsiveness, problem-solving, and how the caregiver interacted with both children and adults. If your home includes grandparents, household staff, or frequent visitors, it is wise to ask how the nanny navigated a busy environment.

Always ask about the end of the employment relationship

One of the most revealing parts of the conversation is the reason the job ended. Was the departure caused by relocation, the children aging out of care, a schedule change, or a more difficult issue involving communication, performance, or fit? You should also ask whether the family would rehire the nanny. A hesitant answer to that question is often more informative than several minutes of polite praise.

Questions like these tend to produce useful answers:

Can you describe the nanny's role in your home and the ages of your children at the time?
What were the nanny's greatest strengths in day-to-day care?
How did the nanny handle routines, transitions, and unexpected changes?
How would you describe the nanny's communication with parents?
Was the nanny consistently punctual, prepared, and dependable?
How did the nanny approach discipline, boundaries, and emotional regulation?
Did the nanny demonstrate good judgment in matters of safety and privacy?
How did the nanny receive feedback or respond when expectations changed?
Why did the employment end?
Would you hire this nanny again without hesitation?

If the role you are filling includes cooking, travel, homework support, household organization, or coordination with other staff, ask directly about those responsibilities. Do not assume past experience translates automatically. The point of the reference check is to confirm the level of comfort and competence in the areas your family actually needs.

How to Listen for What Is Not Being Said

Specificity is usually a good sign

When a reference can quickly recall examples, routines, and moments that illustrate the nanny's strengths, that usually suggests a real working relationship and genuine confidence. Specific comments such as how the nanny handled nap transitions, worked through picky eating, supported school readiness, or managed a last-minute schedule change often tell you more than vague praise ever could.

Hesitation deserves follow-up

Not every pause is a red flag, but hesitation can be meaningful when it appears around key questions. If someone becomes guarded when discussing reliability, communication, or the end of employment, do not rush past it. Ask calm follow-up questions. You are not trying to corner the reference; you are trying to understand whether there is a concern that is being expressed diplomatically.

Learn the difference between discretion and evasion

Some former employers are naturally private, especially in high-profile or security-conscious households. A concise answer does not always mean the reference is hiding a problem. Still, there is a difference between someone who is appropriately discreet and someone who avoids substance altogether. If you cannot get clear confirmation of duties, performance, or rehire eligibility, treat the reference as incomplete rather than fully reassuring.

Red Flags and Green Flags to Weigh Carefully

Look for patterns, not isolated imperfections

No caregiver is perfect. A reference may mention a minor weakness such as being less confident with a certain age group or needing a little time to adjust to a new routine. That is very different from a pattern of lateness, poor judgment, weak communication, or tension with parents. What matters most is whether concerns repeat across more than one conversation.

Use a simple framework to interpret what you hear

Signal	What it may suggest	Recommended next step
Clear examples of warmth, reliability, and initiative	Strong firsthand confidence in the nanny's performance	Move forward and confirm fit with your household needs
Vague praise without details	Limited observation, weak endorsement, or discomfort	Seek another direct employer reference
Hesitation around safety, punctuality, or communication	Potential issue in a high-priority area	Ask targeted follow-up questions and compare with other references
Would not rehire or avoids answering	Serious concern about performance or fit	Pause the process until you have clarity

Other red flags include significant contradictions between the nanny's account and the reference's account, uncertainty about job duties that should be easy to confirm, or an unwillingness to discuss the end of employment at all. Green flags include balanced feedback, easy recall of responsibilities, and strong, unprompted comments about trustworthiness, calmness, and professionalism.

Bring Nanny Placement Agency Discipline to Your Final Review

Document each conversation the same way

Take notes during or immediately after every call. Use the same categories each time so you can compare references fairly: dates of employment, ages of children, core duties, reliability, communication, safety judgment, strengths, concerns, reason for departure, and rehire status. This structure helps you spot patterns instead of relying on memory or emotion.

Consider professional support for a more rigorous process

Families who prefer a more structured vetting process often work with a nanny placement agency to coordinate references, confirm employment history, and keep documentation organized. That can be especially helpful when the role is complex, the schedule is demanding, or discretion is a priority.

At Elite Household Staffing | Biggs Elite, the value of that process is not simply convenience. It is consistency. A professional standard helps families compare candidates more objectively and avoid overlooking concerns because a candidate interviewed well. Even if you are handling the search independently, adopting that level of rigor will improve your decision-making.

A Practical Reference Check Checklist

Before making an offer, make sure you can answer each of the following with confidence:

The reference was a real supervisor or direct employer with firsthand knowledge of the nanny's work.
Employment dates, core duties, and ages of children were clearly confirmed.
You asked about punctuality, judgment, communication, and reliability.
You explored how the nanny handled routine care and unexpected situations.
You asked why the job ended and whether the family would rehire the nanny.
You compared multiple references for consistency rather than relying on one strong conversation.
You documented concerns, not just compliments.
You checked that the nanny's strengths match your actual household needs.

If several answers are uncertain, do not rush to the offer stage. A delayed decision is usually far less costly than a hurried hire that proves unsuitable once trust, routine, and child attachment are already in motion.

Conclusion

The best nanny hires are rarely based on chemistry alone. They are built on clear verification, careful listening, and thoughtful comparison. A thorough reference check gives you a fuller picture of how a caregiver functions in the real rhythms of family life, where trust, safety, and consistency matter most. Whether you manage the process yourself or seek help from a nanny placement agency, taking references seriously is one of the smartest ways to hire with confidence and protect the atmosphere of your home from the very beginning.